Am I The Only One?

B+B R+D has commissioned this article as part of our ‘test’ and ‘reflect’ inclusion action research. All of the articles in this series represent the views of the author and not of B+B R+D or our partner organisations.

Some of the articles describe experiences of discrimination that readers may find upsetting.

When you are the only person of colour (POC) in a room, it looks like a mistake. As that POC you can’t help but feel that someone, somewhere, is about to get fired for this. In comedy when I am the only POC on a line up, I know that things will be harder. I know that I will feel completely isolated. I know racially charged audience responses will be ignored and my experience won’t feel valid. I know I’ll feel like I don’t belong.

Most comedy spaces are actively hostile to POCs. For decades comedians built their careers mocking oppressed and minority groups, reducing them down to offensive stereotypes. Many comedians still argue that “there is no line”, anything is acceptable if it makes the audience laugh. Live comedy audiences are mainly white people, with different cultural references and a “complicated” relationship with race. POC comics face backlash, as industry professionals finally respond to demand and provide them with opportunities. These opportunities are seen as handouts and their success is seen as undeserved - just the result of political correctness gone mad. It feels impossible to succeed in an environment like this.

My identity and occupation of these spaces means I default to the role of unpaid diversity and inclusion lead. It’s my job to call out all white lineups, racist comics and to deal with difficult audience members. It’s a job I never asked for. When I challenge the status quo, I’m often met with resistance, or streams of questions - from people who want to change, but need convincing. It’s why my experience as a comic is often one of frustration and hopelessness.

A year ago I launched Party - a trans/non-binary/female comedy night. Party felt like a night born out of necessity. It was a space I urgently needed. Party is about having fun. Performers at Party don't have to explain their identity, they don't have to worry about an unfriendly audience response, they can just focus on their joy. Party is a journey into what happens in comedy when you prioritise creating a safe and inclusive community of performers, crew and audience.

Party has achieved some success, but it is by no means perfect. We’re on a journey to make sure it’s fully accessible and that we’re engaging everyone. As a monthly event it’s incredibly labour intensive and people as the priority means stakes are always high. No one is paid enough. Despite this, Party has been a force for good. Through Party I have identified key learning for anyone working to build creative inclusive spaces, they include: reframing imposter syndrome; letting go of personal responsibility; focusing on audience engagement; and that intersectionality is the key to success.

Imposter syndrome is an incredibly commonplace phenomenon. It is the idea that you don’t deserve your success. We’re told that if we’re resilient, and a girlboss, we will beat imposter syndrome. We won’t. At best, we will learn to manage it, because imposter syndrome is not something that comes from within, it comes from existing in an adverse environment. It’s a perfectly rational response to trying to succeed in a space not designed for your success. The space needs to change, not you. Party is an exercise in changing the space. One spot at every show is reserved for a new act of colour. To ensure that it is a safe space there are a minimum of two acts of colour on each bill. Furthermore, we work one to one with the new act so they are prepared and confident for their debut performance. We also provided them with free tickets for family and friends so we can guarantee a room filled with allies.

As a person of colour there is a sense of responsibility to fix a situation for people who you know share your negative experiences. Although it’s important to always use your privilege to empower others, it's not sustainable to take on the full emotional burden of trying to fix an entrenched system that is inherently racist. Changing the system and dismantling white privilege requires mass collaboration. Ultimately the majority of the work needs to come from the people who hold the power and who have benefited from centuries of advantage. This may seem obvious, but it needs to be said. When your day to day life is rooted in diversity and inclusion it’s hard to look outside yourself and what your role is. It’s important to shift your focus from what you can do to what others, with privilege, should do.

In comedy I’m a performer and I’m also an audience member. As a POC audience member I know there are situations that I can not trust. I know that if I am at a comedy night with an all white bill, if it’s in a predominantly white area of the city or if they’ve booked acts who pride themselves on being “edgy” there will be a moment where I’m uncomfortable. I may not face active aggression but later that evening I’ll obsess over what I’ve heard and try to figure out if it’s just me feeling this way. It’s not an experience I enjoy. As a result I completely understand why so many POCs do not engage with comedy. It’s a risk, and with a wealth of entertainment at our fingertips, an unnecessary one. As a POC comedian I know that if I’m performing at gigs like these I will not have a good time. Before I say anything I face unconscious bias, and the daunting task of disproving century old stereotypes about my race. I’m guaranteed mixed reactions from a crowd who feel uncomfortable about their relationship with race and project that onto me. The audience is an essential part of an inclusive creative space.

From the word go I knew exactly what audience I wanted for Party. I wanted it to be a space for everyone, but especially for communities that don’t engage with the comedy scene. I knew audience engagement was essential. Relationship building is the start of good audience engagement. Contacting and speaking to community groups who represent and work with hard to reach individuals, offering free tickets, but also workshops and other opportunities for connection outside the show. Always ensuring that lineups are as representative and intersectional as possible and regularly booking multiple people of colour. Booking artists from disciplines with more diverse audiences, like poetry and drag. Finally giving a space to brand new acts and encouraging them to invite friends and family.

Work on inclusion is often done in silos. It’s hard to address everything, to achieve anything at all we have to focus in. However it’s important to remember that inclusion does not stop at your identity, inclusive spaces need to be accessible to everyone, otherwise they are not inclusive spaces. The first question we need to ask ourselves - is this space intersectional? What seems like more labour is actually an opportunity for collaboration. It’s an opportunity for communities to pool their resources and energy into a space for everyone.

This blog is titled ‘Am I The Only One?’ because this is the question I have repeated to myself on countless occasions. It’s so easy to feel completely alone in this industry. When you’re the only person of colour on a lineup, it can feel like you’re the only person of colour in the world. You’re not the only person who sees the disadvantage and you’re not the only person who’s frustrated, but if you’re not connecting with allies and people who share your experiences, your feelings aren’t validated. You’re isolated, and it’s impossible to achieve anything in isolation. Everything I have learnt and the accomplishments of Party have come from collaboration and the hard work of many. The most important thing we can do is collaborate to build, publicise and reinforce our inclusive spaces so individuals struggling alone find a community.

To stay up to date with Party please follow them on Instagram and Twitter. 

There will be shows at the Watershed on the 19th May, 23rd of June and 21st of July 2023.